Takdir?

"Kenapa penyesalan selalu terlambat?"
"ya memang sudah takdirnya seperti itu"

terkadang aku benci saat aku terlalu cepat mengambil keputusan
terasa bodoh

aku ingin menangis
agar panasku keluar
sampai mataku basah dan bengkak
sampai aku lelah dan tertidur

aku ingin berteriak
sekencang mungkin
sampai suaraku habis
tenggorokanku sakit dan kering

aku ingin memeluk erat
tapi siapa

kenapa menjadi wanita itu penuh dengan perasaan?
takdir?
ini soal takdir lagi?


aku lelah
aku tidak mau
melewati banyak hal
atau nanti akan terjadi sesuatu karena panasku yang meluap
dan perasaan yang bodoh ini


jadi lebih baik aku tidur.

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