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Kayaknya tahun ini tuh bisa dibilang lumayan banyak macem macemnya yang bisa buat ngerasain atau ngalamin beberapa hal. Also, i did another big decision! cat rambut even bleach my hair and get the shortest haircut in my life lol. and no regret. Living in no regret sebisa mungkin adalah salah satu cara gimana aku bisa lebih enjoy dengan apa yang ada dan my own choice gitu kali ya. Kayak, well if its not turn bad at least i tried, at least i choose the things that i wanted, thats what im winning for. Tapi, masih ada kok beberapa hal yang belom bisa aku perjuangin padahal mungkin itu sepele. Kadang mikir juga kenapa ya? kenapa ga perjuangin? kenapa ga gas aja? What makes me stop? Terus yauda tetep gada yang berubah :< Di tahun ini, jadi bisa ngerti kalau setiap pertanyaan yang muncul (terutama karena banyak hal-hal yang baru) ga akan selalu dapet jawaban instan atau bahkan ga selalu ada jawabannya. Belajar self discovering juga dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang muncul itu, triggernya apa

It's almost the end of the year, yet i still have plenty of things that i would like to do but there are some but. Hopefully in the next year (if i still live lol) i could do the things that i want to do planned or spontaneously including big decisions. I want to be excited and looking forward for all the excitement in the next year. If i could sum up about this year, maybe "quite a lot or less my first time" and i still want that next year. More discovering about myself, feelings, and experiences. Yes, future is scary, so maybe it means that we need to take or do more as long as we live. "Live as if we are die today". If we are saying the worst case and whatever it is, at least i did what i wanted, and did my best. Plus, the end result is i know where it takes me or shapes me and continues living without any regrets. One of the many thoughts in my mind this year is "what stops me" when i want to do something. i guess it quite helps a bit much? bcs the

At this age (that I'm still shocked to realize that), I'm glad about what I've been so far.  I know - I know, there're still plenty of things that I've dreamt about, but I'm not chasing them and hiding behind the words of "too many things to do, yet lack of time/tension". And I still wonder, will I accomplish it? Maybe the way I run the world is not by chasing or even running... maybe I take a walk instead, so I could enjoy the scenery -- meaning process, and also learn more about myself and others. Hopefully, it's not part of me being in denial. The journey so far, I kinda like it because I found piece by piece that fills the hole filled with questions about myself or some circumstances that I've not known before. It was something like finding "My first-time" moment. Full of questions, most of them start with "Why?".  Mixed feelings become another confusion.. while discovering another part of me at the same time. Whew, what